so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
