Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
