Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
