I'm really into asian looking animals
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
