I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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