Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
