oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
