But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
