I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
