No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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