You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
