Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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