How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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