I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
