Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
