the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
