i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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