Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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