My underwear smells like fireworks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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