I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
