As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
