Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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