It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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