Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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