Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
