college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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