I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
