Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
