Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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