You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
