So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
