he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this just has baby written all over it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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