Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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