I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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