why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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