she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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