I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize