if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
