my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
