When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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