Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
