Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
