I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
