Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
