So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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