It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
