Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we made out on top of his cat.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
