Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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