PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pants are for mortals
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
