You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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