I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
