Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Everything about him screamed your future.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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