I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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