Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
