Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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