dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We got so high we made milksteak
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
