Do you still have your period?
she told me i tasted like america
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize