i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
