I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
