so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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