I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
