so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize