So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
