i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize