i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
