I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
