Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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