what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
