Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
