I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
