I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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