I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
