K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize