I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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