lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
