You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
