Buhtt sex?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
