She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
