I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
