this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
