I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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