everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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