Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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