I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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