drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
