is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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