my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize