I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
