Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
