I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
