Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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