How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize