im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
