I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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