I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You don't make any sense
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