her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
