Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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