he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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