good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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