that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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