I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And then my night got REAL pukey
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
