So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
