I'm lost and stupid without you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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