Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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