I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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