Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
